Ramble. Focus. Ramble.

The Story of my Wedding

1932328_10202557543332262_439483763_nAs some of you probably know, I just got married on the 1st of March, 2014 and I did it the way I wanted to. Weddings are a real scene in Pakistan and I just did not want a typical Pakistani wedding. Having attended a number of Pakistani weddings I remembered how everything was everyone’s business. From the color of the bridal dress to the protected or unprotected sex that the couple had on the wedding night, everything was everyone’s business. The millions that parents would spend on their children, especially their daughters, and loans they would take to fulfill all demands made by the groom’s family were a ridiculous way to get married in my opinion.

I wanted to marry a decent man in a decent way. I was not going to go to another house with household appliances, money and expensive jewelry. I was not going to get married as an item on a grocery list.

I had my mum and dad lay back and relax so I could handle all my expenses myself. I was getting married on the day of my choice, to the boy I liked, and so it made little sense to have them pay for it. Irteza and I brought together all the money we had and planned on a simple wedding. We wanted a single event but went for a two-day thing, a Nikkah and a Reception, because my mum wanted it like that. We took into consideration our parent’s wishes but did not let them spend a lot.

Then came the harder part when the relatives came pouring in. All the free advice and silly suggestions made things complicated. They would occasionally point out the liberty that the bride and the groom had in deciding everything for themselves. We were really not following the current and it was obvious. There was resistance and objection everywhere but I was steadfast, in fact, obstinate and I would have it no other way.

1617608_10152292170759808_921937218_oOn the day of the Nikkah, I waited in the bridal room for the Maulvi. I waited as my blood boiled, the Maulvi was late. He was asked to be on time a million times because I wanted to sign the darned papers and go out to see my wedding, not miss a single photograph. He came at his ease and then brought in two empty papers for me to sign. My uncles were standing over me and as I touched one of the papers to flip and check them, he gave me a stern look as if I was doing something really shameful. All I was doing was checking the damned papers before I could sign them. There were some names on it but most of the Nikkahnama was empty and it was ticking me off, not more than my uncles standing on my freaking head though. My father-in-law interrupted, “Let her read them, this is not our time and we can’t just take her hand and make her thumbprint.”

I was looking for my right to divorce, I couldn’t see it but there was nothing slashed and nothing cut so I thought it would be this way. My parents, in-laws and I wanted my right to divorce, a right that Islam gives every Muslim girl, and a right that we should all have but the percentage of married girls in Pakistan that have this right is really low. I did not find anything slashed or cut on the Nikkahnama so I signed it, thinking no one would let the Maulvi slash it anyway because I have made myself clear and everyone wants me to have all my rights.

Little did I know that the Maulvi had a brain of his own, in that stupid skull of his. Seventeen days after the wedding I found the Nikkahnama and it said “Nahin” at the place of my right to divorce. My mum called the Maulvi and told him to come over to explain what he had done. My grandfather told him he had written everything down on papers and had asked him to copy them to the Nikkahnama, he did not have to use his brain at all. All he had to do was to copy all the information to the Nikkahnama, why did he change my right to divorce then. And so we demanded an explanation and he replied, “The side of the groom never asked for it.”

“Did you ask them?”

And this is where he gave the most ridiculous of answers, he said, “It’s not polite to ask them.”

So, basically, I am not accepting that as my Nikkahnama and we are filing a case, or having it changed in any way possible. It probably says that I am not legally married and I might, in fact, be a criminal under the Hudood Ordinance.

Just one thing Pakistan, BRING IT ON!




17 comments on “The Story of my Wedding

  1. Faizan
    March 20, 2014

    Congrats on getting married!

  2. behroozfaisal
    March 20, 2014

    You should have read all of the Nikahnama. These maulvi’s will never allow female the freedom or give them the rights they have. I hope you get what you want. Good luck for the future.

  3. Ghanna Saya S
    March 20, 2014

    Oh God ! What to do with these so-called “Thaikay daar Maulvis”. I appreciate your efforts hadeel 🙂

  4. Faizan
    March 20, 2014

    Really cool that you had a wedding the way you wanted it to, and congratulations. Yup, being obstinate seems to help getting your way with adults + keeps your esteem from falling. The alternative is to just go berserk, but then YOU get painted as the villain!

  5. mayur hulsar
    March 22, 2014

    thats quite a story… congrats hadeel. and cheers that you started a new chapter in the making of marriages. 🙂

  6. Dhol Sipahi
    April 4, 2014

    Hadeel, First of all I want to say – Congratulations. Secondly which is even more important “Damn! you’re an amazing writer, I wandered through some posts and sensed some profanity and sarcasm and “totally loving it”. I myself do that more than occasionally while publishing. I am pleased to find your blog, Ma’am. Also I want to give my opinion about this issue related to your nikahnama, Yes, maulvi should have done it as you fellows directed him, Still that is not a big thing to worry about. It says “You are married” AND you are not falling under any criminal category. About that “right of divorce” thing…. No nikahnama can seize your rights just because it is written “nahin” on the paper. Don’t give it much importance. Courts will do what you want and when you want. Just my 2 cents. Hope it might help you to release some depression that stupid maulvi caused in the first place. Hi, this is Neman 🙂 You have a good one, Ma’am.

    • hadeelnaeem
      April 5, 2014

      Why thank you, this is one charming and delightful message.

  7. fatimasbridalhouse
    April 6, 2014

    Congrats on getting married! Hope you’re living the dream 🙂 And I completely understand what you’re saying about having so much input from so many people and the nosiness that gets out of hand! It can be quite stressful. More stressful if you take on the burden of actually trying to please everyone, which is next to impossible. I’m glad you broke free from those restrictions and had the wedding you wanted all while respecting your parents, that’s awesome! Also, don’t worry about the nikkahnama’s wording, your right to divorce is in Islam, that maulvi can’t take it away from you! I’m really disappointed that he would try to do such a thing, it’s unbelievable!

    • hadeelnaeem
      April 8, 2014

      Thank you! It’s nice to have your efforts appreciated. Looking forward to more comments. 😀

    July 14, 2014

    well i must say i am quite over-whelmed to read it all and in a country like us a woman got married the way she wanted is one hell of a story and i loved it but some-how i found it ‘to be a short -precised version of what you actually had to face to win against the odds’ so i want you to write more about it ”especially how did you stand for yourselves”
    p.s,,i made my mom read it too and she is kind of thrilled that you ”didn’t enlist your self as some grocery item ”and forced my dad to read it too =D
    lots of best wishes and may you continue to beat the shit out of people …

    • hadeelnaeem
      July 21, 2014

      HAHA. Thanks a lot.

      You are right about the short version part, it really is hard to capture the reality. It was much more difficult than it sounds in words and yet so exciting.

  9. Ahmad Mustafa
    August 17, 2014

    “We have not sent down to you the Qur’an that you be distressed”
    But only as a reminder for those who fear [ Allah ] -”
    Quran and sahih Hadith are not for maulvis…as In pakistan maulvis are almost the Uneduacated people except some Good people who LEARN AND follow QURAN….Do your own Study Of Quran and hadith on every Topic..Islam Is a way of Life….the solution Of everything….

  10. Siyal Khan
    May 12, 2016

    Many Congratulations To You Both. After looking at your Photo I think I know your Husband. I must have met him some where.

    But bad things happens to all of us. Only we can change it. I don’t know what is wrong with our Family, why they wouldn’t let us Read our Nikah Nama. Its our Right. Even though they wouldn’t allow Groom to read it. What the Hell! I think that Society should play a positive role in this matter.

    P.S U’re a damn Good writer.

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This entry was posted on March 20, 2014 by in Journal and tagged , , , , , , , .
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