A Pakistani Wedding is like an idea in Mad-hatter’s head. The ‘dulha’ and the ‘dulhan’ are enacting the Mughal emperor and his wife, sitting on their thrones and looking all picturesque. And the guests are just ‘ghareeb awam’ fighting for food and a picture with the emperor and empress.
The ‘parda shaadis’ are hilarious. What happens is, the men and women sit separately, usually with a division in the hall. The ‘dulha’ sits without his ‘dulhan’ for most of the event and he sits on the male side of the hall. On the other hand, the dulhan sits in the rest room till its 9:45 pm. Thank Lord and Socrates for the government, the wedding event cannot go on after 10:00 pm, so the ‘shaadi’ starts to close around 9:50 pm. So the ‘dulhan’ comes to her throne at 9:45 pm and leaves it at 10:00 pm. Hence, she only shows off her 40, 000Rs makeup and 200,000Rs dress for like fifteen minutes.. how modest.
At 9:45 the ‘dulhan’ comes out on the stage and no, she does not walk alone, nor does her father walk her down the aisle, she walks down the aisle with all of her extended family. Sometimes, it is hard to tell the bride in all the red color but practice and you will improve this art too.
The worst part is that these Pakistani, and maybe Indian, weddings just never seem to end. They go on just a little too long and usually on the expenses of the ‘larki wala.’ Where most of the world gets hitched in one day, we take more than three at times and that’s just a lot of money, people. I sometimes think we are still the third world because of our weddings. HOW CAN WE SPEND ALL OUR MONEY ON ONE PARTY?
Wait, the distribution of food on a shaadi has to be the worst of the event. They all fill their plates like the world’s going to end and then… they just leave most of it there. It’s like a race, ‘who can waste more food.’
No wait, I am mistaken again, it is actually the children part that is the worst. Those teeny beings run around like animals, shouting, wailing, pushing and often fighting. Then there is this, ‘your son hit my son in the eye’ problem that just never seems to end and it happens at every table. This happens particularly because there are strangers sitting together at every table. They stare at each other throughout the event and whisper to each other:
“Aunty ne kitni dark lipstick lagai hoi hai.”
“Inke kapray dekho kitnay paindoo hain.”
“Yeh kitna zyada khana kha rahi hai.”
My point is: