Ramble. Focus. Ramble.

What are Most Pakistani Weddings like?

A Pakistani Wedding is like an idea in Mad-hatter’s head. The ‘dulha’ and the ‘dulhan’ are enacting the Mughal emperor and his wife, sitting on their thrones and looking all picturesque. And the guests are just ‘ghareeb awam’ fighting for food and a picture with the emperor and empress.

The ‘parda shaadis’ are hilarious. What happens is, the men and women sit separately, usually with a division in the hall. The ‘dulha’ sits without his ‘dulhan’ for most of the event and he sits on the male side of the hall. On the other hand, the dulhan sits in the rest room till its 9:45 pm. Thank Lord and Socrates for the government, the wedding event cannot go on after 10:00 pm, so the ‘shaadi’ starts to close around 9:50 pm. So the ‘dulhan’ comes to her throne at 9:45 pm and leaves it at 10:00 pm. Hence, she only shows off her 40, 000Rs makeup and 200,000Rs dress for like fifteen minutes.. how modest.

At 9:45 the ‘dulhan’ comes out on the stage and no, she does not walk alone, nor does her father walk her down the aisle, she walks down the aisle with all of her extended family. Sometimes, it is hard to tell the bride in all the red color but practice and you will improve this art too.

The worst part is that these Pakistani, and maybe Indian, weddings just never seem to end. They go on just a little too long and usually on the expenses of the ‘larki wala.’ Where most of the world gets hitched in one day, we take more than three at times and that’s just a lot of money, people. I sometimes think we are still the third world because of our weddings. HOW CAN WE SPEND ALL OUR MONEY ON ONE PARTY?

Wait, the distribution of food on a shaadi has to be the worst of the event. They all fill their plates like the world’s going to end and then… they just leave most of it there. It’s like a race, ‘who can waste more food.’

No wait, I am mistaken again, it is actually the children part that is the worst. Those teeny beings run around like animals, shouting, wailing, pushing and often fighting. Then there is this, ‘your son hit my son in the eye’ problem that just never seems to end and it happens at every table. This happens particularly because there are strangers sitting together at every table. They stare at each other throughout the event and whisper to each other:

“Aunty ne kitni dark lipstick lagai hoi hai.”

“Inke kapray dekho kitnay paindoo hain.”

“Yeh kitna zyada khana kha rahi hai.”

My point is:

  1. Would it kill the ‘dulhan’ to be on time?
  2. Would it kill the guests and hosts to be on time?
  3. Would it kill to have a single event for the wedding? Or better, would it kill to save some money?
  4. Would it kill the ‘dulha’ and ‘dulhan’ to roam around and take pictures with everyone like they are normal people?
  5. Would it kill someone if there were no stages at all?
  6. Would it kill the hosts to put tags on tables so families can sit together?
  7. Would it kill the hosts to serve food on every table so they can maintain order? Clearly, running for food is not what one wants on an event like this.
  8. Would it kill the hosts to put a jumping castle outside and keep the children there? I see no reason for the inclusion of the tiny human beings at a wedding ceremony.  It is so hard to explain to them what is going on and then the next thing you have to tell them is where the baby came from. 😀
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12 comments on “What are Most Pakistani Weddings like?

  1. latif Khan
    October 19, 2013

    If u write about weddings in Pakistan u should first like talk about which part of Pakistan it happens in the wedding u mentioned..u know in Pakistan there r other people beside punjabis n muhajirs n their weddings r different. .

  2. Maryam Jamil
    October 19, 2013

    lgta ha haliya koi khofnak shadi atnd ki ha ap na 🙂
    waisa aj kal halat mediocre families k lye bht difrnt o gai ha
    kam kam logo ko bulaya jata ha
    artificial jewlery phni jati ha bachat k lye
    aur zyada tar itna mhnga kapra log aford b ni kr skta ha

    • hadeelnaeem
      October 19, 2013

      True but this happens less. Zyada tar weddings are all about show-off.

      • Maryam Jamil
        October 21, 2013

        show off sirf whi kr skta ha jin k pas bht paisa o aur aisa log bht kam ha
        itni to mehngai ho gai ha shadi o jai yai bri bt hai 🙂

  3. nticked
    October 19, 2013

    Brilliant! Loved what you wrote! An look, I even managed to login just for the sake of liking your post and commenting on it!

    • hadeelnaeem
      October 20, 2013

      Haha, thanks. Considering you have a blog yourself, you should be logged in all the time. I am.

  4. ayeshaheera
    October 23, 2013

    Reblogged this on Ayesha HeerA.

  5. Vicky Roy
    December 7, 2013

    Hi…Hadeel!
    A really nice article on wedding issues in Pakistan and some really nice points have been indicated in the article.

  6. mayur hulsar
    February 10, 2014

    lol. here in India we have a word for these: ‘big fat indian wedding’ but more or less every wedding is the same picture.

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This entry was posted on October 19, 2013 by in Pakistan and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , .
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